Love me, because I rely on you: Dependency-oriented help-seeking as a strategy for human mating

Existing research has suggested a predominantly negative view of dependency-oriented help. In contrast, the current research aims to test the positive function of dependency-oriented help in intimate relationships where interpersonal dependency is valued. We hypothesized that dependency-oriented help-seeking could function in communicating liking and romantic interests and, therefore, can be instrumental in attracting mates. Our hypothesis was confirmed across nine studies (N = 2,535). For help-seekers, a mate-seeking motivation could positively predict (Study 1) and lead to (Studies 2A–4) dependency-oriented help-seeking behavior tendencies (Studies 1–2B) and actual behavior (Studies 3 and 4). For help-providers, after activating a mating goal, imagining (Studies 5A and 5B) and actually receiving (Study 6) dependency-oriented (vs. autonomy-oriented) help-seeking requests from a potential mate increased help-providers’ romantic interests in that mate. Study 7 further showed the function of dependency-oriented help from the perspective of romantic competitors. As such, people in romantic relationships were more likely to see a potential competitor as a mate poacher when this person asked for dependency-oriented help from their partner. Theoretical and practical implications have been discussed. Copyright © 2024 American Psychological Association.